Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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