If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
