The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I cut my penus on the lid.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
