If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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