He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
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Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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