KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
