Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
