im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
