Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
