I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
