i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
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If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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