his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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