NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
