sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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