I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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