When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
