I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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