I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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