3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
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dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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