even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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