my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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