so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
