i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
