ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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