I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
