Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
