I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
