Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
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You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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