so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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