dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
