i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she looked like the before picture.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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