put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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