at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
