almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
