hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
