I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
