I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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