i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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