We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
