Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
