Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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