based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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