Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
