after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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