I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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