You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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