I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
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But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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