She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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