The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
