I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
