Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
