why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
