I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
