Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
