I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
