I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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