I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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