pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
