Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
