The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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