Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
