i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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