Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
